How They Knew….40-Something Look Back

Young couple kissing in an old european town square.


Another question I get asked a lot. I remember asking it myself in my 20s every time a friend got engaged. How frustrating it was when they just said…you just know.  There is never one answer but different perspectives. One thing that tends to come to the top – after attraction of course — is when it is personally exciting but “drama free”.


I knew they were the one when…


“When I didn’t care if I was married.”

I don’t feel married. I don’t feel compromised.  Even when I am compromised I don’t feel compromised. It’s hard to explain. But I am so glad I waited until I met him. In retrospect, I had series of long relationships that didn’t work out but then, when I met my husband I thought, thank God I had all this shit happen to me and met him when I did. I never knew that just being with a person could feel so great. – 45, married, mom, fashion entrepreneur, Brooklyn, NY


“When you never even have to give a thought about whether it will work.”

I knew we could grow together. My husband was the one guy I never gave it any thought. I didn’t have to work at anything. We didn’t have to work at anything. We just had this comfort level. I dated a guy for a long time before him… but there was always something on my shoulder saying this isn’t the one. 45 year old, married, mom of 3, Cleveland, OH


“When the deal-breakers don’t matter.”  

He can’t be away from his blackberry for 5 minutes. It bothers me but it’s weird because with anyone else it would have been a deal-breaker. All these things that used bother me…don’t. It doesn’t bother me the way it used to bother me. Yeah it’s kind of annoying but we talk about it. Everything else is so solid. All of our eccentricities match up. No one else could possibly like the same things we both do.  – 45, photographer, award winning documentary filmmaker, single mom, Manhattan, NY


“When you are willing to take a leap of faith.”

I got married at 29 and I remember thinking I love this guy I am attracted to him. He is smart, he is admirable. He is successful. But I had to push myself forward because I cultivated a mentality of remaining unavailable. I traveled a lot as a classical musician so I was never in the same city more than 6 months. My work was my life and it had to be.  I learned that the whole being unavailable thing works …but only to a point. Eventually I realized I have to take this leap of faith or I will regret it. I had to be a little more willing to show myself to find a more genuine relationship. 40-something, classical musician, mentor, married, mom, Cleveland, OH


“When you see each other for who you are.”

Choose your husband because he supports who you want to be not because of how he sees you. – 45, art gallery owner, no kids , Los Angeles, CA

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