The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Live With a Big Bag of Regrets

Today’s post is another answer to the 20-something query — what to do when he’s a great friend and good person but you are not digging him anymore? Thrilled to share this guest post from Grace Pamer of 


So you love your partner but you’re not in love with him? It’s a problem that creeps up on so many people in loving relationships. One minute you’re making plans to build the house of your dreams and start a family, the next minute you roll over in bed and see a guy you don’t recognize. Gone are the ideals and shared passions that brought the two of you together. Instead they’ve been replaced by disparate interests, busy work schedules and a yearning for something lost.


You look your partner in the face and you see a man you once loved beyond any shred of doubt. He was your perfect suitor, your best friend and lover but today he’s not and you don’t know why. Sure you love him to bits and wouldn’t want any harm to come to him but you also know there’s now something missing, a catacomb of loss that can no longer be bridged.


You want to try, sure you do because you’ve both invested so much time and love in each other, but deep down you know this is going to be a losing battle. So are you going to claim that you owe yourselves that one final push to try to rediscover that lost love or are you prepared to face up to the new reality that somehow, somewhere along the line the magic you once held has dissipated to just fond memories?


Two couples I knew well faced this very dilemma in their 20’s. One refused to face up to the inevitable and dragged on for a further two years of diminishing returns before giving up in a hail of catcalling and anger. The other took action early and whilst the pain was sharp and difficult it was not something either ever regretted.


I know how hard it must be to face that crossroads. The time you’ve invested in your partner, in building a life together, is suddenly facing its day of reckoning and you wonder if you’re making a terrible mistake. Is it better to go through life as good friends? Do you really need passion? Surely all of that fades out anyway especially by the time you have kids? Well yes, maybe, but that’s not the point. You have but one life to live and the last thing you want to do is live with a big bag of regrets.


Whilst you are friends now the resentment that you may feel as time passes will grow especially if you come to decide you’ve made a mistake and it’s too late to change tracks. Better to follow your gut instinct and take the pain now rather than labor on under a false pretence. You will be doing both yourself and your partner a great service in the long run for as painful as that decision is now it is to nothing the pain of knowing you’ve wasted two lives someday in the future.


About the Author






Grace Pamer is a full time romance and relationship writer and runs the blog Romance Never Dies.  She writes romance and marriage proposal tip columns for various publications including and and has been interviewed in, and to name but a few.

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