Three Gifts For A 20-Something: You Don’t Have To Prove Yourself To The World

What three “gifts” would you give a 20-something if you were a “Forty-Godmother”? Here 40-somethings share three wishes to help a 20-something get a head start on the confidence to make decisions that are right for them (not their parents, friends, teachers or society). No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. 

Today’s three wishes are from one of my Mentoring Salons where mentors share wisdom gained from their experiences. These three leaders respond to the age-old question, how do you find balance and avoid burnout in the age of FOMO?

When you over-extend yourself, you end up losing yourself. I thought I had to go to all these events to establish myself and prove myself and get ahead in my career. By the time Sunday came around I was dead. I wasn’t creating meaningful relationships and I was wearing myself down. How could I make a good impression?

Now I have a weekly checklist of personal things I want to accomplish, then I have my monthly and yearly goals. The list includes everything from certain trips that I want to take to certain personal goals I want to achieve. So, I make sure that before I overextend myself, whether it’s going to brunch on the weekend or scheduling an event every night of the  week, that I’m doing my personal checklist. That comes first. Then I can fit other things into my life around that. I found out that I’m going to the gym more. I’m sleeping a little bit more. I’m having more meaningful time with my friends and still making it to a few events a week.

Start your day by asking,“what do I need today?” Women are hard wired to be givers. They care about the world. They care about society. That is a wonderful thing but it’s very exhausting. Women tend to give to others, their families, their work, their charities. You are going to be drained. When you have kids, it comes with the territory. It’s very hard, but also very important, to find “me- time.”

You have to make it a priority.  If you can get up and start the day thinking, “What is it I need today?” How radical does that seem compared to how we get typically get up. But if you actually say, “What do I need?” Maybe what you need is 30 minutes by yourself or a bath. But women don’t take that seriously. Women don’t say that should be a priority.

At the beginning of the year, identify the 5 or 10 people that you want to meet. Then throughout the entire year, make it your goal to build relationships that get you to those people and meet them. Then that lens becomes a way to filter what meetings, conferences or events you should go to. A male friend of mine did this and I thought it was really impactful. I think that if we can slow down and actually figure out, “Where am I right now? Who can I connect with who can get me to the next level? How can I meet that person?” – that is going to help you build meaningful relationship with fewer people and actually get you personally or professionally to the level that you want to go next

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