I learned over the course of the last 20 years that you should have a fluid sense of your future instead of a concrete idea of what it’s supposed to look like.
Prepare for the evolution of your life and be open-minded because that really is what prohibits people from becoming happy. They aren’t prepared for the change. That is how life is. Families have evolved. Work has evolved. You have to be open to the evolution of your life. When you’ve made this decision at twenty three, it doesn’t mean it’s correct but it might not be like that forever.
When you start your career you have this sense that “this decision I make is going to finalize the direction for my whole life course.” It’s not. It’s okay. You can reset or start over. But at the same time, don’t feel like you have to narrow it down so quickly. You can make changes.
If you’re looking for a partner, what I would tell my kids and what I have told them is to make sure that you are connected in a real way to this person because ultimately, it’s not all about goals and ambitions. It’s more about wanting to truly spend time with the person, to have a true, real connection to someone because goals and ambitions may change. It’s important to have the ability to adapt to the change in who you are and what you need and to do that for your partner too.
– 40-something, Detroit, divorced, remarried, 2 kids