…They aren’t yours. We often talk about how comparing yourself to others can be difficult on the self-esteem…the path to confidence is often learning to be true to yourself. Not to ignore what is out there… but to take it all in and figure out what feels right for you. That is learning to trust your gut. And it’s not just true for career as these women attest. You need to be the master of your relationships – before, during and even after.
~ What I Know Now ~
The worst reason to get married is because your friends are getting married because you will be divorced in two years. We should tell women in their 20s to forget what your friends are doing. Your maturity levels are different, your intellect, your path in life, your kismet of crossing with the right person or not. Forget what your friends are doing. – 40-something, married 20 years, no children, journalist, writer, Atlanta, CT
Don’t compare your . A girlfriend had just a baby and told me that for her, she believed that her baby was her second love but that her first love would always be her husband. It struck me as weird to make a comparison. Why put that out there in that way? But it led to a conversation with my husband. I asked him what he thought and started questioning our relationship. Then he says to me, “That is not us. Why do you want me to talk about that? You didn’t say that. I didn’t do that. Why are you trying to create a problem?” I think I’ve learned that comparing our life to other couples lives doesn’t really help!” 40-something, married, Connecticut
You have to really listen that deep inside voice and not be afraid to do something against the grain and re-adjust the picture of your life that marriage is forever. My marriage looked perfect on paper. He was a handsome, successful guy, presumably a devoted father, and a good husband. He wasn’t cheating on me. He wasn’t drinking. He wasn’t gambling but I was miserable. We were completely disconnected. I had no real relationship with him at all. The only thing we shared was our kid. I thought I’m not going to spend the rest of my life like this. I’m just not.
I spent 2 years just visualizing what it would look like to be happy and how that benefits the kids too. That’s the real truth. Eventually I decided that I wasn’t going to live like that anymore. It’s not an easy thing to do way but t is way better than just skating through life not feeling anything. No one can imagine why you would leave. But that is only the view from the outside in. The reward for me was this amazing, satisfying, happy life. – 40-something, divorced, remarried, mom of 3 and step-mom, Detroit, Michigan