What I Realize Now Is That I Was Looking For The Wrong Thing Before

Young couple kissing in an old european town square.












I don’t think it’s about marrying “Mr. Good Enough”. I think it’s about knowing what you really want. I think people have this aspiration or idea of what they want and then you figure out what the next fifty years of your life could look like or forty or thirty or twenty, depending on how old you are.


For me, I dated a lot of the wrong guys for five years. I dated the same guy over and over like sort of an iteration. Different names but the same guy.  I didn’t realize I was dating the same archetype. When I met my now husband eight years ago I remember thinking, “Don’t throw this away”. There’s something here. But at the same time I thought he was boring. He felt boring even thought he was not a really boring person. He’s an incredibly artistic and interesting person but there was something about the relationship structure that didn’t feel challenging. That was the problem. I was dating all these high-drama men that were emotionally unavailable and so I trained myself think that’s what passion is. That’s what I thought connection was…chemistry.


So this guy felt boring to me. It’s funny because he’s the most un-boring person. But there was some dynamic that I probably would have said, “Well it’s good enough. I’m comfortable in this.”  But what I realize now is that I was actually looking for the wrong thing before.


My husband is so interesting and I’ve been more successful since I met him My husband makes my world better and it is a life that I never would’ve projected.

— 40-something, entrepreneur, married, new mom, NYC



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