3 Wishes for The Prince and Princess
So the ceremony is over now the journey begins for Princess Catherine and Prince William. They have a tough road in front of them navigating the marriage trail under the scrutiny of the public and the responsibility of monarchy. They will need a few things that 40-something women talk about being essential for a happy marriage even more than most! Here are 3 wishes for the couple based on 40:20 Vision:
1. A sense of humor. The ability to laugh at yourself and all the issues that are going to come your way. This will come in handy as they deal with all the tabloids.
“Life can be so disruptive. As I said it’s (marriage) hard work. It’s communicating. I mean it’s really talking and it’s not getting too busy…plus humor. What keeps us together most I think is still being able to say, ‘Our life is nuts.’ We’ll just look at each other and start laughing. This is nuts, instead of getting all mad at each other. This is like totally nuts.” – 40-something, Chicago, IL
“At the end of the day, the ability to still make each other laugh goes a long way.” – 40-something, Larchmont, NY
2. The ability not to compare your relationship to other people’s relationships or societal expectations. Wow. This is a big one for this couple. Not only will everyone be comparing their relationship to that of Princess Diana and Prince Charles but also the expectations of a nation and long standing rules of royal betrothal. Lots of people are actually clueless about what to expect with marriage. So we tend to look at other people’s relationships for a framework. We love to compare after all. Then we start picking apart our own relationship based on these superficial comparisons. This can only lead to resentment (he’s doing something wrong) or self-doubt (I’m doing something wrong). So resist that urge and really get into what is going on between the two of you and what your expectations are for your marriage.
“Define your own relationship, together. Don’t worry if it’s not the same as others” – 40-something, married 22 years
“The biggest strain on your marriage can be defining your relationship by others people’s ideas of what it should be. ” – 40-something, happily committed, not going to marry
“Don’t compare your relationship to other people’s relationships. The minute I start comparing our relationship and questioning, my husband says, “That is not us. You didn’t do that. I didn’t do that. Were fine…just leave it alone. Everything is fine. Why are you trying to create a problem– 40-something, working mom, married 15 years.
3. The ability to maintain your own lives and start a new life together. This is so important. Every 40-something woman cautions 20-somethings not to lose themselves in a marriage or a relationship. Kate and William both have so many roles already defined for them. Hopefully they can build a life together and still have independent pursuits outside of their official functions. Don’t get so caught in the charities and regiment and this and that that you don’t know what it is you really enjoy doing apart and together.
“Give yourself some freedom to have independent lives. You have to cultivate independent lives and outside interests. If you don’t have a social life, an intellectual life or some kind of activity that isn’t all about your significant other, it’s really hard to feel that you have a sense of identity. You can’t entirely depend on another person for your identity. – 40-something, married, working mom, Los Angeles, CA
“You can grow in different directions and still grow together. We marvel at the fact that we’re still compatible because we’re both completely different people than when we started out. You have to be secure enough to let the person go his or her own way and not always have to drive him with you. I think you can grow in different directions and still be together. If you’re insecure in your relationship, that’s never going to work. – 40-something, married 23 years, mom of 3, Chicago, IL
“Share interests not every point-of-view. Be yourself. We share a lot of interests but I can also totally be myself. It’s not like when your young with boyfriends where suddenly his interests become your interests. I can’t say that either one of really changed for the other person. He knows the way that I like to do things. I would never say I found my soul mate. I would die laughing if I looked at him and said you are my soul mate. And he’d be like what book are you reading? What show did you watch?” – 40-something, wife, mom, Cleveland, OH
And lastly as part of this…speak up for yourself Kate! It’s easy to fall into being a people pleaser when it comes to fitting into a spouse’s family. Then there is the guilt and possible resentment for all the family commitments and assumptions that come with family, much less a family by marriage. This could be a huge issue for Kate and William. They need to realize they are their own family too and learn how to sometimes say no. Good luck!!