“There’s a correlation between risk taking and confidence. I try to put myself in situations where I will find confidence. You have to find the confidence rather than just think you don’t have it innately. I do things that challenge me that I know ultimately will make me feel great.”
Here’s one 40-something woman’s tale of her journey to confidence despite a lot of 20-something angst. For her, taking the risk to leave a job and figure out what she wanted to do gave her the confidence that led her on her way to knowing what she wanted and getting the career she wants.
On the insecurity of not knowing….
I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I graduated college. I moved to Chicago because all my friends did. I think I thought Oprah was going to call me up and say ‘I heard a really smart, cute girl is in town. Will you come work for me?’ But really, I was scared to death. Just insecure about everything. Not being not smart enough, skinny enough, worrying about boys. But I thought…I just have to work on some of this myself. I just have to get up and be positive and get through it.
On getting the first job….
Once I got the first job, then I had something to work from. I realized I had skill sets I didn’t know I had. Just get a job. The confidence you’ll gain when you get that first job will work for you. It doesn’t matter what it is. But you have to fake it a little bit. You have to go in there and say the job, whatever you are interviewing for, is exactly what you want to do. You can’t go in and say, ‘I don’t know if I want to do that.’
On the pressure of still not knowing….
I stayed in Chicago for five years, worked and got an MBA. Then I moved to New York. It took me 42 interviews at various PR agencies before I got a job. And I still stressed. I felt pressure that I wasn’t making as much money as my counterparts in business school who were all bankers or management directors. I felt like I wasn’t successful because I should’ve been able to get a bigger job . But at the same time, there was plenty of silliness and freedom and hanging with the girls. I remember a friend of mine and I saw Cameron Diaz on the cover of Esquire Magazine talking about why it was great to be 27. My friend was like, ‘We’re twenty seven! We’re the perfect age.’
But I always thought I would get hit on the head…and know that this is where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. I went through phases. “What am I doing?” I’ve been doing the same thing every day for four years. I haven’t met someone except the heartbreaker. What am I doing staying in New York? For some reason I thought, ‘Maybe I just need some space, clear my head.’
On taking that risk…
So one day I walked into my office, turned on my computer and did a search. Where am I gonna find space? How about a ranch? Montana seemed a little too cliché. How about Wyoming? I clicked on Wyoming. I found a job for an office manager, sent them my application and two weeks later, I got it. So I quit my job and went to work at the ranch.
My parents thought I was joining a band of gypsies. I told them, ‘I’m not dropping out of society. I just want to go do this.’ It was the best thing I’ve ever done. I was managing the cutest, nicest, most talented, funny twenty and twenty one year olds. I was in the most gorgeous setting I’ve ever seen. I went horseback riding every day. Fly fishing. Hiking.
I was there for six months. I was looking for new jobs in other cities while I was out there. Then I came back to New York and stayed with my best friend and in the process I realized how much I missed New York. I really do love it here. If anything, it ended up making me feel more secure about New York. I came back and I interviewed and I got a job at maybe thirty grand more than I had been making.
I remember at that time a friend said to me, “Oh you have such a charmed life.” But it’s not like it just fell on my lap. I made decisions and took risks that resulted in me having this experience. I do things somewhat intentionally even though it seems flaky. I do it because I know that I need to certain things.
I think for me there’s a correlation between risk taking and confidence. I try to put myself in situations that I will find confidence in it. It’s like you have to find the confidence rather than just think you don’t have it innately. I do things that challenge me that I know ultimately will make me feel great.
— 40-something, SVP of communications and marketing for a leading multi-media company
on Twitter
on Facebook
on Google+