Younger women often ask..what is it really like to be with the same person for 15, 20, 25+ years….as long as the life they have lived so far. Here is one woman’s reflections on her 20 year journey of marriage:
1. The key to our happiness was when we realized that we are not going to change. We have the same fights we will fight about until we die. We can laugh about it. We are just so happy.
2. We had a break where we asked ourselves some hard questions. About year ten there were some rocky times. We were broken. We took some time off. I dated a little and started asking myself why I was always picking the wrong guys. I went to therapy. It’s the best money you can spend to figure out why you are making decisions. I realized the grass isn’t always greener. Sometimes it is a fantasy that if you leave suddenly everything is going to be better. I decided to focus less on the things that bugged me and more on the things we like about each other.
3. Kids are a challenge to your together time but now we are a team. It’s to a scorecard of I did this and you did that. The whole experience brought us closer It was a really cool experience. Joyous. Hardships don’t always bring you together but sometimes they do.
4. Look at relationships as something separate that you are nurturing. See the “We” as an entity instead of me.
5. Take care of yourself.
6. Married sex is a lot different from “I’m falling in love with you sex.” It has ebbs and flows . It’s okay to have fantasies….but don’t look for fantasies. Chemistry is 101. You can build a life and find a great partner.
7. A little mystery is good. Have your own things to do. Don’t have to be together 24 hours a day. You have your own space, your own life and then you came back and share.
7. You need to find you best male friend that you are attracted to. Who you can chat and laugh with and feel respected. Love now s about respect. As a parent, a business person and a woman. It’s not taught to you in your 20s. It’s easy believe the romantic fantasies. You think you are invincible. You can change them. You are special. But it’s really about respect.