Two Weddings and One Present…What I Know Now



Weddings almost always make me look forward or backward. But this summer I enjoyed two weddings entirely in the present.

Looking back now, I see how people today are increasingly creating new rituals and putting their own twist on the old. I think it’s related to the fact that people waiting a little longer to get married. You know yourself better so you can put your individuality into your wedding…creating a bridge between past and future.

The most recent wedding I went to, I will call it the “mountain-side wedding”, was free of bridesmaids or boutonnieres, formality or first dances. Bluegrass and wildflowers, sunset and conversations set the pace. It was a perfect blend of the couple’s personality and style.

This wedding, I’ll call it “the plantation wedding”, was as memorable and fun as it was completely different…full of camaraderie and more traditional. The first dance was a celebration of the close relationship between father and daughter, the cigar bar a bridge between the old and new guard….bonding the brothers, the generations and genders. The dance floor bringing together kids from 5 years old to 82.

Both weddings were a blast. Each a testament to the joy of knowing what you want, being able to communicate it and standing your ground.

Everyone goes at their own pace, but I find from all the interviews I have done with older women (and men)…and the number of late 20-something and 30-something married couples I know….there a sense of ease and “us” when you’ve had some growing room and are getting married on your own timeline.

It’s not the wedding you planned at 10. It’s not the wedding you planned before you even met your fiancé. It’s not the wedding your parents planned, or the one your friends are having …but the one that reflects you and how you and your spouse and how you want to live your life. After all, as 40:20 wisdom likes to remind us, the marriage is not about the wedding day it’s about the next 10,000 days.

What new wedding ritual have you created or seen? 

What is the one thing you wish you knew then about your wedding? 

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