What To Do When People Pop The Question … Why Aren’t You Married?


Thanksgiving time. Family time. If you are dreading the family interrogation of your love life, check out my post over on The Gaggle on how to answer the “why aren’t you married” question often asked by family and friends from home.  From the cynical response to the philosophical or, my favorite, the “the-back-at-you”, believe me it gets easier over time and you can take control!  Read the full article here:

An excerpt below:

What is the best way to answer why you’re not an “I do”? There are a number of ways…

The cynical:
“So I don’t get fat and lazy.”

The analytical:
“With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce I don’t find the risk worth the reward.”

The philosophical:
“I don’t believe that people are biologically suited for monogamy.”

The it’s-not-me:
“I’ve been asked to be married like 5 times but I’m just not ready to settle down.”

The woe-is-me:
“My last boyfriend strung me along for 7 years and then told me (he never wants to get married / he was gay / he doesn’t want children / he was cheating on me / fill in the blank).”

The back-at-you:
“Why are you married?”

I prefer the back at you approach because it turns the question back to the other person. You can try multiple variations of this: “Marriage seems hard in today’s world…what makes yours work?” Or, always guaranteed to shift the conversation: “I haven’t met the right person yet…how did you meet your spouse?”

But in the end, the best answer is to try to live a life being true to yourself and your status and to be honest. If you don’t think you are unworthy because you are not doubled up…no one can make you feel that way. If you are happy being single, no one can take that away from you.  The other thing I’ve learned is that no one is asking this question for the reason you think. They are not trying to make you feel inadequate, incomplete or undeserving of love.

Hot to get your Gaggle on…

The Gaggle is a multimedia project co-created by childhood best friends-turned-business partners, Jessica Massa & Rebecca Wiegand – aka Jess & Becky. The project has been featured on Bethenny, Good Afternoon America, VH1, The Better Show, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Post, The Village Voice, Cosmo Radio, Entertainment Weekly, Mashable and Z100among other press outlets.

Online, The Gaggle explores the landscape of modern romance – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essay, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains. And, we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed.”


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