Q. Dear 40-somethings,
Should I care that I my ex-boyfriend of six years got married three months after we broke up and I found out on Facebook?
I ended the relationship with him because he was didn’t want any more kids and I didn’t want to live in South Africa with him. He is 47 already divorced with two kids (his marriage ended because he was unfaithful).
Three months after our break-up he got married to some other girl and never even told me about it. He just announced it on his Facebook page. Even though our break up was for the best I was stunned that he could behave in such a rash manner. When I saw him six-months later I avoided him but he followed me trying to get my attention. So my question…is this normal behavior? Thanks for reading..any advice would be helpful.
P.S. I’m in a new relationship and taking it slow.
A. Good riddance is the overwhelming response.
His behavior and your decision lead many to believe he was not the right person for you and you probably knew it. Take the good and what you learned from it and leave the bad behind. While indeed it was rude…but don’t beat yourself up over it and don’t dwell on what could have been or why. Obviously he spent six years with you so you had some substance to your relationship but for whatever reason it wasn’t right. One thing 40-something women have learned is to move on!
“The biggest thing I learned is that just because you’re in love with somebody doesn’t mean you’re meant to spend your whole life with them. Move on. Just move on. Not that you don’t look back. It is about looking back. We learn those lessons.” – 40-something, Williamsport, PA
These three 40-something women below had a few insightful and reassuring things to say…it may not make sense now but someday you won’t care. Ironically in the days before Facebook, what you didn’t know might not have hurt you!
Dear 20-something:
You are in a new relationship so NO you should not be bothered about him. Good riddance to bad rubbish, as we say. Focus on being in your new relationship. That’s where you and your future are. – 40-something, marketing consultant, divorced and happily in a relationship, New York
Dear 20-something,
Good riddance. It sounds like you are better off without him and should take the good times you had together and remember them, but happily move forward and don’t dwell on his current actions.
You’ll never get an answer that seems to make sense to you so don’t waste your time on it. In the end, it’s not what you might have done wrong or different, it’s what he needs to do for him, and sometimes that just doesn’t include you, or make any sense to you.
The signs were there that you weren’t meant to be together- he didn’t want what you did (children) and you were unwilling to move. I’m sure you learned a lot from your time together and will use the lessons for future relationships. Put your energies into your life and how you want to create a happy, well balanced, loving relationship with you new beau. – 40-something, married, fashion executive and new mom, San Diego, California
Dear twenty-something,
The quick marriage after a long-term relationship, while it seems strange, has happened to a lot of my friends and also myself. I am not sure what to make of it, rebound? Neediness? Polar opposite of you? The Facebook thing is just plain immature but unfortunately, many things seem to be communicated that way today. In a perfect world he should have called or sent you a letter explaining that he had met someone new and was getting married. All in all, good riddance I say! He does not sound like a “catch” and I am glad you recognize that and are moving on – SLOWLY! – 40-something, married, mom, small business owner, Brooklyn, NY
I also reached out to the Honestly Now community to see what they thought about finding out your ex is engaged on Facebook. The results…he didn’t owe you per se but it doesn’t say much for his character.
From a sample of 93:
Yes. He owes her an explanation/courtesy of finding out from him: 37%
No. They ended their relationship and he moved on. That’s to be expected: 63%
The responses ranged from the spiritual:
“One cannot find what’s on the next page in life by continually re-reading the last chapter” -Michelle Carter, Reiki Master
To the seriously spirited:
“He sounds like a soulless cad! But to each his own. Karma will be a bitch to those who have no soul!” — The Image Guru
Check out Honestly Now for all the responses.
The bottom line: good riddance and good luck!