It’s Not About Who Chooses You But Who You Choose

A 40-something guy recently shared with me his view on dating. A lot of women tend to go out with the guys who ask them out — the guys that are the most aggressive and approach women, be it at a bar, in line at the grocery store or at the local Starbucks. Nothing wrong with that per se. A lot of the time these guys can be very flattering. But he added, there are a lot of handsome, funny guys at those same places that are just not so confident in their approach.  His philosophy, or words of warning, the type of guy who is confident enough to approach you, may just be cocky enough to be approaching others too. His gift?  Give some of the other guys a little encouragement to have that confidence. Could be as simple as a smile, a glance…and being approachable (e.g. not being part of a huge group). This came back to me last night as a friend of mine’s husband shared what he would tell his 20-something self:  I wish I had the confidence to know I could just go ask any girl out. They might not all say yes but 1), now I’m confident enough to not care if they say no and 2) now I’m confident to know that half of it is in the asking.


So if there are a lot of guys out there too scared to ask a girl out ….and there are a lot of girls out there who would just like to go on a date…Seems there are a lot of missed connections.  So I’m envisioning all these people that aren’t so averse to dating in their 20s but just don’t ever connect.


Be open to connections…they might be right in front of you as this 40-something woman shares:

“Look at every opportunity as an opportunity. There are a million opportunities. Every day I find myself engrossed in a world of men that I could meet. All you have to do is turn around and say, “Do you know what time it is?”,  and all of the sudden you are in a conversation. Now that I’m older I realize there are all sorts of times when guys were trying to talk to me. Asking about eggs at the grocery store, in line at the bank.  All the times people have tried to talk to me here and there and I didn’t even registering it. I was oblivious. Because I was too busy worrying about was a pretty enough, skinny enough, witty enough?

That just gets in the way of you being open to the opportunities. There are so many opportunities in life that you are are insecure about.  When you are walking a dog guys come up to you and say, ‘Oh what a great dog.’ That is an opportunity. You can either grab it or be oblivious to it, or not be interested in it. A guy is not thinking about that spot on your thigh. We are so inundated about what is sexy. And when you actually talk to men, you know what men like. They like women. And they like pretty much any woman. And if you are willing to have sex with them. They are pretty much willing to have sex with you. They want what you  have. They just do. And it doesn’t’ require a lot of effort.”


Her point being that when you know that men want what you have, you can then choose what you want to to with that. Be careful!   And be open to the less aggressive types. They  may just be more interesting than the type that is in your face. It certainly is worth being open to trying in your 20s. You have time to get to know different types of guys and what you learn about yourself from who you choose.



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