On Friday I did a post about giving a guy more than one chance to show his good side. Just wanted to talk about the exception. Don’t keep dating a guy who exhibits damaging behavior no matter how interesting it may seem. There is run of the mill bad boy drama which we all do at least once and hopefully learn from…partier, player or mischief maker. Then there are those that turn their drama toward you. Don’t continue to hang out with a guy that puts you down repeatedly, treats you like a possession rather than a person, turns everything around to make it your fault. In other words, watch out for narcissisists. I spoke with a 20 year not long ago that put up with this type of behavior from a guy she went out with for a while who was a 32 year old child. A child prone to temper tantrums, jealously and drama to the extreme. She knew in her head she wasn’t to blame for his erratic behavior but stuck with him anyway out of a sense of curiously (older, different lifestyle) and not wanting to hurt his feelings. In the end she ran away, literally when one of his meltdowns went too far. There is that tendency when you’re in your 20s to think you have your head on straight when perhaps you are in over your head with older guys or drama guys or experimenting with a lifestyle that is different than your own. This goes beyond a few dates. But just don’t feel obligated to stay out with a guy that is behaving badly. Like the girl above. Run..don’t walk!
Some behavior is obvious. This woman gives her advice on spotting the less obvious.
“Be wary of narcissists. I think a lot of it is really emotional manipulation. My guy was a narcissist in a lot of ways. Narcissists really get to you. They can convince you that they need you or you need them vice versa whatever it is. They come and they suck you dry. Watch out for narcissists. That’s all I have to say.
Sometimes it’s hard to spot a narcissist. He wasn’t your typical narcissist. He was always friendly. But the tell tale sign is that narcissists always think that everyone is after them. They always think that everyone is out to get them and then it’s everybody else’s fault. They’re blamers. They blame everybody else. They sort of pray on you to try to get your sympathy and then you feel bad. It was a constant you feel bad for them so you don’t need them.
I always felt bad leaving him. I can’t do this. He’s going to be helpless. They’ll play helpless but they’re not. That’s the thing. Once I decided to leave him he became really evil. He was throwing things. It was just really, really tough. Once I left that bad relationship everything fell into place.– 40-something, mom, married, Los Angeles, CA