The One Time You Don’t Need To Try

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A few weeks ago I shared some insights from women who were happy they didn’t get married in their 20s. I said I would also share some perspective from women who did get married younger. This woman shares what she thinks has contributed to the strength of her late 20-someting marriage.


Make sure they like you for the right reasons. The wrong reasons are that he is trying to change you or the way you look, he criticizes your parents, your job, your smarts or the way you dress.

Then you have to be ready. You have to be open to it all the way. It wasn’t like at 25 I just decided I was going to get married and it happened. You have to be realistic about yourself and what you want and who the right person is for you. When I was in New York City there was this view of the hard edged New Yorker type as desirable kind of guy. I could’ve easily turned down my guy from Cleveland that I ended up marrying. I remember thinking, “He’s such a good guy. He is so nice.” And he is. But I when I looked a little deeper I also found an edge. The same guy can be both the good guy and a little bit of the bad guy. But you have to realize you are not going to change them either.

The most important thing is they they are kind. They like you for who you are. You don’t have to try. I think I always thought I had to try. You don’t have to try with a guy that you like. You can just be yourself and they like that. I think that’s what makes it sync. Yes some people get divorced even when it started out that way and that’s the hard thing. It’s when you get caught up in the “you said you were going to change” or feel like you can never just be yourself that is a red flag. If you always have to work very hard, you will be exhausted over the long term. It shouldn’t be that hard.

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