Don’t Get Married For Anyone But Yourself

One of the re-occuring questions I get from 20-somethings is about timelines and age limits on marriage or soulmates. Today I’m sharing what 40-something women had to say about not getting because all your friends are getting married or their is an expectation that you should get married by a certain age…the consensus…don’t married for anyone but yourself. It’s about when you are ready.

Don’t be in a rush. If you are going to get married, I would wait.

“I would never want to say never get married young because maybe you meet someone and really fall in love. Maybe you do fall in love when you’re 22…that doesn’t mean you have to get married when you’re 23. I would have to say that getting married a little later is better. You can date and you can work and you can travel. We had both done stuff. If we got married at 23 we would have had no experiences to build on.

I remember thinking when I was 28 and my relationship broke-up, ‘OMG I’ll never get married and I thought I’d have children by now’. But thank god. If I had married who I was dating when I was in my 20s, I’m sure I’d be divorced. It would have never worked out. When you are 28 you don’t think that way. You’re like what am I doing? Now I am so happy for the way things happened, but back then I didn’t think would turn out so great for me.”  – 40-something, mom of 4, married, Cleveland, OH

It’s better to be either the first or the last of your friends to get married than to deal with all the pressure of your friends getting married.

“We got married young. We were the first of our friends. And then all my friends started feeling that they really had to start looking for someone. I feel like I sort of led them down that path. And of course they are all getting divorced now. Not us. We’re dying together. Because we were first, we weren’t doing it because our friends were doing it. There was no feeling like I had to find somebody. I think in your Mid 20s, you start feeling that pressure.” – 40-something, mom of 3, Cleveland, OH.

The worst reason to get marred is because your friends are getting married because you will be divorced in two years.

“We should tell women in their 20s to forget what your friends are doing. Your maturity levels are different, your intellect, your path in life, your kismet of crossing with the right person or not. Forget what your friends are doing.”  – 40-something, married, no children, Atlanta, GA

Don’t have a schedule.

“Don’t listen to that timeline in your head, you have to have the baby, you have to get married by this time.  When people worry about the timing of it all, then you end up forty years old and you’re still not married.

I finally got to the point where I heard the question so many times, ‘why aren’t you married?” I would just say, “I’m really psycho and that will be the end of it.’  They would leave me alone. – 40-something, married, no children, Williamsport, PA



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