The Other Perspective – On Ultimatums and Staying in the Game

Yesterday I did a post with a quote from a woman who regretted giving her husband an ultimatum…or at least realized now how grateful she is that she didn’t lose him over a “marriage” deadline in her head:

“I could have lost my soul mate. Would it have been that big of a deal I was not married right at 25? No.”

As part of my mission is to give women a variety of perspectives, I thought I would share this woman’s story today on giving an ultimatum she doesn’t regret. But she cautions…if you go that route you have to be ready to walk away if the answer is no. Her thoughts on giving an ultimatum and keeping a marriage fresh – put yourself first!

7 Things I Learned About Giving An Ultimatum

  1. Be prepared for him to say no. Have a back up plan.
  2. Don’t be a victim.
  3. Be calm.
  4. Be clear that you have a choice and he has a choice.
  5. State what you want.
  6. Give him a deadline.
  7. Then go about your life.

“We’ve now been together 16 years. We got married 8-9 years ago. I did give an ultimatum to get married but I think the reason I could do it was because I was always independent. If you are going to do it you have to be prepared to walk away. Even after we got married, I was very independent. I said I will travel all the time until I get pregnant. Even after I had my first baby, I did a little trips here and there with my friends. Even now, every Thursday night is mommy’s night, not date night, mommy’s night out. I think that my independence keeps us together. People have to realize that. That’s how you keep that excitement.

And keep your skill set. Take time for yourself. I have my own company. I love charity work. You have to keep yourself in the game. You never want to lose that edge. You never know what is going to happen tomorrow. You don’t know if you will have to go back to work. You don’t know if something will happen to your marriage. Be prepared and don’t think that the only thing in life is paying attention to your husband. You have to figure out a way for you to keep moving while spending time together with your spouse. – 40-something, entrepreneur, author, wife and mother of two

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