On creating friendships that last from 20 to 40 and everything in-between:
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I still have my friends from my twenties. The women that are my friends now, they went to my college graduation. It was in LA and that wasn’t easy. No one had money. But with me graduation after 8 years of undergrad, they were like “We’re going tp be there.” It is an amazing thing to me now.
One thing I’ve learned is that you have to be careful not to turn your relationships into all snarky banter or criticism. We think we’re being funny but I realize now it really impacted how I looked or what I wore, what I bought or what I chose to do. What would my friends do?
It’s fun to be a tough room because everyone is funny. Everyone is smart. The jokes are good. It’s like watching a good movie. But I think the lesson is to be lighter about it and to be kinder to each other. As fun as it is to tease and make fun and all of that, we probably should have been a little kinder to each other. We certainly should be now. It’s really the place you turn for support and things that your parents don’t relate to.
It’s more work than you think it is in your twenties. You have to make the effort to stay in contact and to listen because I think that the only way to really create the kind of depth that sustains them for 20 years is communication face-to-face or at least on the phone. It’s an obligation. It’s the same thing you have to do with your family.
You probably forget that about friends. You think that it’s okay to not talk for 6 months or so and it’s really not. You have to make that effort no matter what’s going on in your life and to make sure you’re there because God knows your twenties are such a selfish time.
By the time you’re 40, there are some things that it’s just impossible to turn to your mother about and you look to your friends for that kind of love and support. So you really have to find that place in the relationship that is not just “ quippy”. You can’t just be sassy quips and jokes and snarkiness. You have to allow yourself to be corny and supportive. Be your mom to your friends I guess.
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