Q. Why do guys text instead of call?
I’m afraid it’s a technology evolution that marries men’s natural communication tendencies (keep it simple) with a means to do so. And there is great power in avoiding face to face rejection. You can fight it or join it. It’s a lifesaver for updates of the “I’m running 10 minutes late” type but as someone once told me, “Don’t confuse communication with discussion”. From the guy’s eye view, it makes communication less stressful, as Scott Hess of TRU notes:
“Why do they text? It’s easier on every level. You can be curt. You can be direct. It’s part of the medium. Rejection hurts less. Your voice doesn’t tremble. Texts are less likely to sound desperate or nervous or pathetic. They don’t have to look you in the eye. You can’t see their eyes.”
So yes guys are really insecure under all that bravado. I think it’s great for relationships that are already on solid ground but when push comes to shove, a relationship needs be built on more than cyber talk. We all know how things get misconstrued, mis-sent (let’s all avoid a Weinergate) or just missed! When you are sitting there texting with your ex, your potential future guy, or just bantering with the bored guy who is seeking some sort of ego boost, life is going on around you and you are missing out. How boring is it to always have your head down and fingers tapping away instead of engaging in conversation with the people you are with or watching life unfold in front of you on the street.
“I am so relieved that texts didn’t exist when we were 20. Now you can contact them at any time and they are misconstrued. You could be mad, you could be drunk and you can contact that person that you shouldn’t contact at any time. I would say turn the phone off and don’t answer it. So much better if don’t live by the text or by the phone. You have to live for yourself and not for waiting for everything to come in on that.”
One 40-something woman I know has a great tactic for when, in a new relationship, texting crosses that line from “thinking of you” to having a conversation She simply responds, “If you want to talk to me give me a call.” It says you’re interested but lets him know your boundaries.
Another friend makes a good point. If you aren’t sure where your relationship is going, putting a “text hiatus” really makes it clear. When she had a yo-yo relationship with a guy where sometimes hours would dissolve in a back and forth analysis of their relationship via text, she drew her line. If you want to talk about our relationship …call me or do it in person. The urgency of “talking and figuring it out” slowed down and he slipped away. She was glad to have found out sooner than later that he was not available. The no text rule make it clear their relationship was not ready for reality.
Maybe the guys were insecure and nervous too but we just didn’t know it.