A lot of women feel the pressure of family expectations. Love your family, be there for them but as this woman who spent a lot of her 20’s bending to her family’s wishes, wishes for you: don’t do it at the expense of making your own life too.
“You don’t always have to do everything your family wants you to do and thinks you should do. I’m realizing I can’t just be that baby sister forever. In my 20s I played that baby sister role and did whatever anyone wanted to do, I did it. People pleasing. Totally. I’m trying to end it at 40. I can’t do that anymore. Don’t do it. You lose a lot of your time. You spend a lot of time thinking about what you should be doing and what you are not doing. And in the end it all is the same. You have to see your family as people rather than as a unit that you have to roll with.” – 40-something, mom, wife, Stamford, CT
You may love “rolling with your family” but part of becoming an adult is learning to separate and do things on your own too. Independence breeds confidence. And doing things that you want to do without feeling guilty helps you define who you are. You got to do you too.
So it’s okay:
To not go home for every holiday…
To say no to babysitting your sister’s kids for the nth time…
To not be married …
To tell them, it’s not a good time …
To not lend your favorite sweater to one who is not so careful…
To not tell them about every date, almost date, not date or detail…
It’s okay not to eat every bite…
The list could go on.
But in the end it’s okay to say NO.
I ran across this quote today from Oprah Winfrey on “what she knows for sure”. Just replace “everyone else” with “your family”
“If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.”
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“If you make a choice that goes against what your family thinks, the world will not fall apart.”
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