A lot of 40-somethings say , “Don’t waste time in the wrong relationship in your twenties.” A lot of 20-somethings ask, “How do you know when it’s wrong and when it’s too much time?” Here is one woman’s insightful take:
“In my twenties I was insecure about relationships with guys sometimes. Now looking back, there were times I should have cared more and times I should have cared less. Like focusing so much on a guy that isn’t the right type for you. I was so focused on this one guy. I dated him from 19-24. I thought he was “it”. But it really wasn’t and now I’m like “what was I thinking?” For example, I said no to a sorority because this guy wasn’t into sororities. Big mistake. Why did I listen to someone else about what I should do? Why did I put all my eggs in this one basket? You cannot put all of your time and energy into one person. You need to put some of that time and energy on yourself and your friends.
I think you’re putting too much time into a relationship when you are passing up opportunities. Saying no to your friends to go places. Saying no to work opportunities coming your way. Saying no to even a thing like a sorority invitation. That would’ve been really good for me but I didn’t do it because of him and I should’ve done that. So that’s how I know I spent too much time in that relationship. You’re giving up on fun opportunities. Those guys come and go.”
– 40-something, working mom, wife, Los Angeles, CA