The other week I was featured in a Shecky’s piece on What To Look Forward to in Your 4os. They asked me for one thing. But it got me thinking…and I ended up coming with 15. Thanks to my own life learnings and those of all the amazing women I have interviewed. I always thought of 40:20 Vision of a collective history of “what we have learned’. But also a way to give younger women a head start on the advantages of age through hearing different perspectives. Go!
1. You make decisions for yourself
Aka you are happier. Yes you have family/spouse/employees/pets … but you are no longer making decisions based on what you should do. You are making decisions based on what you can or could do. You care less about what other people think is best for you… and care more about what is best for you. It’s liberating.
2. You tame the inner critic in your head
You know that voice. The one saying you aren’t smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, wealthy enough. By 40 you know it well enough to tell it to shut up. You can tell it, “Slow down…I know that challenges are what change me and make me better. I know you are trying to help by telling my I am not ready….but I am ready. And I know if you are speaking up it is something that will make be a better person on the other side. Thanks for reminding me and egging me on.”
3. You finally use your gut instinct
Saving you the misery of indecision, paralysis by analysis and bad choices made over and over again.
4. You realize that all those people you think are so confident and lead perfect lives….are just as screwed up as everyone else.
Everyone has their own sh*t. You lose the instinct to compare, to keep up with the Jones or to fear missing out. You find out mean girls are just scared women. You learn that it’s a waste of time comparing the worst of yourself (your insecurities and flaws) with the best of others (their Facebook profile, family pic, etc). And on top of it all you realize your flaws may just be assets. Bossy is “gets shit done”. Shy is a good listener. Too talkative is a thought leader. It’s all how you use it.
5. You get your silly on again
You learn not to take yourself too seriously. You really do dance like no one is watching. You are like a teenager again…but less loud. It’s not for show. It’s for smiles.
6. You ask
You know your worth and you aren’t afraid to ask for it. You realize that “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” and there really is nothing to lose.
7. You have resilience
Nothing is the end of the world. You have been through enough downs to know there eventually is an up. You know that yes…one day the heartbreak will end. Eventually you will open the blind and see the window. There is always a plan B.
8. Sundays really are Fundays
No that doesn’t mean boozing ‘til you get the blues. You realize there is no use getting the Sunday blues worrying about what awaits you in the office Monday. You know you only have time to lose if you don’t enjoy every moment of that Sunday. It’s your weekend. Take it.
9. You get rid of the toxic people in your life
No more throwing shade. You keep the friends you keep in your life have your back…you weed out the others. It saves a lot of emotional angst!
10. You feel stronger. You get lighter
Something just happens where you feel stronger in your body. Maybe it’s the emotional strength of having been through pain and getting to the other side but you build emotional and physical muscle. At the same time you lose mental weight. Things just don’t bring you down in the same way.
11. You are more beautiful
Any 40-something women who decides to eat well and find one exercise they like to do …looks better than they did at 20. Yes you may lose the baby fat or spring but there is beauty in living a full life. You see yourself more kindly. You feel at home in you body and it shows.
12. Public speaking gets easier
You care less about looking stupid and care more about what you have to say.
13. You stop feeling guilty
You know your boundaries so you don’t say yes when you mean no.
14. You respect yourself
Meaning you can see when someone else isn’t respecting you and value yourself enough to form an escape plan.
15. You rock your own style.
By your 40s, especially if you take care of yourself, you know what makes you feel good. You’re not dressing to look a part that you’re not, you’re dressing how you feel. What’s good is that you can try on different roles in your 20s with what you wear. What’s even better is that one day it’s not a role …it’s you. And it’s a powerful feeling. Point is, don’t be afraid of a frumpy fashion future. The 40s are fun.
Upon reading this I see you spend a lot less time in your head and a lot more time in life!
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