Every time I interview a 40-something woman for 40:20 Vision I ask them what three “gifts” would they give a 20-something if they were a “Forty-Godmother”. Herewith, there wishes to help you get a head start on perspective and gain confidence making decisions that are right for you.
1.Start exercising your voice.
The thing I’m most proud of is being able to say what I think even if it goes against conventionalism. If you’re going to be an innovator, a visionary or whatever you want to be, or just being yourself… I don’t care what you want to be… you’re going to be happier if you can do that. If you can just say ‘I firmly believe this.’
2. If you have a vision, you have to work hard to make it happen, but it will be the best work you do.
I’ve never worked harder and I’ve never been happier. Yes, I have long days and some days I’m just really tired. But to be able to create and experiment and do the things that you see as being possible that other people don’t see it as being possible. Wow.
3. Heartbreak and honesty.
Everybody has a heartbreak but when it happens over and over, it helps if you can start being honest within yourself. For a long time I was looking for drama. I dated high-drama men that were emotionally unavailable. I trained myself to think ‘oh that’s what passion is. That’s what connection is…it’s the chemistry. It’s challenging.
When I first met my husband, there was a different dynamic. I thought, “I’m comfortable in this, there must be something wrong.” But I realized that I was actually really looking for the wrong thing before. It’s funny because my husband is the most unboring person and we lead an interesting life. But I had to resist being uncomfortable with a different dynamic to see this life that I never would have projected.
You have to be able to look at yourself truthfully to see that. Be comfortable in your own skin. For me, a good, strong marriage endures when you have that. Some people wake up and say ‘I no longer want to be with this person.’ Well that probably wasn’t the best partnership to begin with. Marriage is a partnership where you share some common vision or goal. The goal might change and that’s okay because you’re committed to doing it together.
– 40-something entrepreneur, NYC
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